According to a well-worn proverb, a picture is worth a thousand words. In the February/March 2007 issue of Writing, we published a photograph in our "1,000 Words" column and asked you to write a dialogue in which you give Oscar--the celebrated mascot of the annual Academy Awards--some good advice on what to wear and how to be an examplary host. Here's one of our favorites.

Oscar
A ten minute play by Doug Dyszlewski, Grade 8

Ten minutes before Oscar Awards start. Doug and Oscar are talking before the Awards Ceremony begins.

Producer: (Walks over to Oscar) You're on in ten minutes.

Doug: Are you almost ready?

Oscar: Yes, I have been ready for a while.

Doug: Okay, but just keep in mind that this year is going to be even bigger than last year so I hope you're prepared.

Oscar: You have said that every single year since I have done this, yet it's always the same.

Doug: I know, I know, I just don't want you to mess up or anything.

Oscar: Let me ask you this question: how could I possibly mess up if I just am standing there? I don't do anything, honestly it's really not that hard.

Doug: The reason we fired the guy before you was because he messed up. He fell on the an award winner and broke his leg. Would you want that to happen to you?

Oscar: No, but...

Doug: Don't forget we want you to look good, so if you move and scratch yourself or something like that when you're up on stage, you will be fired in a second.

Oscar: Okay then keep that blow dryer on me if you want me to look good.

Doug: This blow drying really doesn't do anything for you.  It just makes me look like I'm doing something in the hustle and bustle here. Everyone is always doing something right before the Awards and I'll get yelled at if I'm not working, so...

Oscar: Well fine then, make me look better in some other way. I don't want either of us to be fired.

Doug: Okay then, I'll go get another gold suit to make you look newer. The suit that you have on is a bit wrinkled.

Oscar: Yes, that's perfect, another suit.

(Doug runs over to get another suit and then puts it on Oscar.)

Oscar: How do I look? Good right?

Doug: Perfect.

Oscar: There's still something missing...

Doug: There really isn't anything else to do.

Oscar: Okay.

Producer: (Walks over again.) You're on in three minutes.

Oscar: Wow, seven minutes have gone by fast!

Doug: It's fine... don't get stressed.

Oscar: Well when you told me how I could mess up... I'm getting nervous.

Doug: Now come on... you've been doing this for four years.

Oscar: I know but I never really thought of what could go wrong.

Doug: Nah, you'll do fine.  I've made you look your best, as always.

Oscar: Okay, I think I...

Producer: (Walks over again.) One minute...

Doug: Okay, you're ready.  Just go out there and look your best. That's all you have to do and you'll shine like the stars.