Monday, September 11, 2006

This is not a story of heroes or of courage. This story does not have any bells or whistles. It is not meant to entertain or inspire. It is not a story of personal loss or global understanding. All it is is an account of how the terrible events unfolded to me on September 11, 2001.

Click on the "comments" link at the bottom of the entry to read more of what students around the country have to say about 9/11, or, to share your own thoughts.

One Tuesday in New York
- Essay by Bryon Cahill

Now first off, I acknowledge that the retelling of events as they happened through my eyes is as wildly arrogant as it is unimportant. The entire world witnessed the horror of that terrible day. I am certainly not here to ignore or lessen anyone's tale or emotions. But here, at the 5 year anniversary of 9/11, I feel the overwhelming need to try to say something.

I was living in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn at the time. I was working as an Editorial Assistant at a children's publishing company in New York City. It was what I considered to be my first "real" job in the "real" world. And I was quite content with everything. I was young and living in the Big Apple! When I called it that, people gave me a look as if to say, "Don't be a tourist. If you're gonna be a New Yorker, be a New Yorker." But I couldn't help it. Every day as I walked through the city streets, I gazed up at the buildings that went on forever. How was it possible that I could be a part of something so huge?

Bay Ridge is about as far away from midtown Manhattan that you can get and still be a part of it all. Every morning, I would walk the five blocks from my apartment to the subway station. Bay Ridge was the very last stop on the R line, so when the train came, the doors opened, the people got out, and then it sat there. Along with other Bay Ridgers, I would find myself a seat and plant myself down, waiting patiently for the conductor to start it up again and head out in the opposite direction.

It was an hour ride to midtown. I didn't mind it much. I always had a seat and a book and I got a lot of my reading done in that two hour commute back and forth. In the fall of 2001, I was reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, a mammoth of a book if you ever saw one. It called for every ounce of my concentration.

September 11th was a gorgeous Tuesday morning. A slave to my routine, I was on the R train around 8:00. As the train started up, I was glued to my book. The people around me became shadows.

Back then, the R train passed right under the World Trade Center. It was an incredibly busy stop and one that I never got off at. That morning, my train stopped at Cortlandt Street, under the Twin Towers, as it always did. The doors did not open immediately.

"We are only picking up passengers at Cortlandt," the train conductor said over the loudspeaker. "Please remain on the train." I hardly heard him. I was buried in my book.

Only two or three people got on and I only looked up when I heard a woman farther down say something like, "A plane just hit the World Trade Center." What? What did she say? I must have misheard her. I went back into my book as the train pulled out of the station. The loudness of the train blurred the crazy woman's words and zoned out her wild, made up tall tales.

In retrospect, I was on one of the last trains to ever pass under the Twin Towers. They stopped service through very shortly after.

Six stops later, I got off the train. With my book stowed away in my backpack, I walked through the station and up the stairs. When I reached daylight, I immediately knew something was seriously wrong.

In New York City, every hour is rush hour, but at five minutes to nine, people are whizzing by you in every direction. They weren't. Not this day. On this day, traffic was either slowed or stopped. On this day, every single person was staring up at something. They were all looking at something behind me.

I turned around and for the first time, I saw what everyone was gawking at. One of the twin towers was pouring out black smoke.

I don't know how long I stood there in utter disbelief. It couldn't have been very long though because I wasn't around when the second plane hit the south tower at 9:03.

I remember running. I was running to work. As I ran, my friend and co-worker "Michelle" called out to me. She was visibly upset and didn't know what to do with herself. Together we went into our building and got in the elevator. We rode up to our office on the 14th floor, trying to make sense of things. But we couldn't. We just didn't know.

Some of our co-workers were up there in the office when we arrived. Others were down on the street. Everyone in the office seemed to be trying to call loved ones. But the phones were jammed. No one could contact anyone. And to make matters even worse, we were now hearing scattered reports of a second plane. A second plane?!? What?!? There was no television in our office. We were just hearing things via word of mouth.

I booted up my computer as quickly as possible and sent out a blanket email to all my friends and family, just to tell them I was OK. Then I grabbed Michelle and two other close friends from the office, and we headed up to the roof.

In the aftermath of the day, my sister tried to make me feel better by pointing out the stupidity of my actions. "Planes are crashing into buildings and my brother goes up to the roof!" It’s not very funny. Nothing about that day was funny. But at least the comment did bring some levity to an unnerving time.

I don't know why we had access to the roof of my office building, but we did. The door was always open and no one ever disciplined us. We went up there often just to hang out and gaze upon the majestic New York City skyline. But there was nothing majestic about it now.

Our office building was on 26th Street—about 50 blocks from the World Trade Center. On the roof ... it was incomprehensible. I was standing there, hearing in the background, "Oh my God!" and various other exclamations of disbelief. I don't think I spoke though. I just kind of kept walking forward. I was searching for the words but there didn't seem to be any. What could anyone say? The Twin Towers were on fire and the fires were enormous. In the very back of my mind, I thought, "the people", but I wouldn't allow myself to fully grasp this thought. Not yet. It was just unfathomable.

Michelle came up to me and stood next to me. At some point, we both sat down. She started crying again and I held her hand. I don't have the best soothing powers, and before I knew what I was saying, it was out. "Why does God want this?" I asked. I don't know where it came from. It sounded stupid. It was stupid. But I had to say something and that was what finally came out of me.

"God doesn't want this." Michelle said. And still we sat there. From behind us, a co-worker was taking pictures. This was history in the making and we all knew it. I felt shame when I thought of the historical significance of what I was seeing. This was JFK's assassination, Pearl Harbor, and every tragic American event wrapped into one live nightmare, set on fire and shoved down your throat. It was disgusting, it was awful, no, there was no word for what it was, but I was starting to feel it.

"Look at that ..." I said, "Is it just me or does that building look like it's going to fall?"

"Oh my God!" The south tower crumbled before our eyes.

As the smoke and dust began to hover over the City, I couldn't take it anymore. Here was reality slamming home. "We have to get down." I said. But everyone was crying and stunned. "Come on, let's go." I urged, "I don't want to be here if the other one falls. I don't want to see that." I started to walk away, back to the door that would lead us back into the building. But I wasn't about to go alone. "Please. Can we leave? Please?" At last, they came, like zombies, like ghosts, and we made our way back to the office.

I was in shock. Maybe not literal shock but I was definitely confused and emotionally hurt and unsure of what to do with myself. I went back to my desk and tried to call my mom. The phones were impossible. Nothing was getting through. I tried again. I called her collect at the Walk-In Clinic in northern Connecticut. When she picked up the phone and I heard her voice, I lost control.

"Mom?"

"Are you OK? Come home. Come home now."

"I can't come home, Mom. I have to work." Work. Was I really thinking about work? What was I talking about? I was breathing heavy, heaving, crying. The magnitude of what had happened had hit me. It was no longer historic. Hearing my mother's voice sent me spiraling. She knew it, too. All mothers know everything.

"A lot of people got out, Bry."

"What about the firemen? ... Everyone ... "

"It's going to be ... OK." Doubt in her voice. "Come home."

I think I laughed then and somehow found some sense of strength. I wanted to get down on the ground. I wanted to get out of the building. I didn't know where I would go, but I didn't feel safe where I was. I took a deep breath, told her I loved her and that I would call her back soon.

When I hung up, I got moving. Michelle and a few others and I went down to the street. By the time we got down there, both towers were gone. They were just ... gone. Men in suits were crowded around a homeless man who had a radio in his shopping cart. They were listening to the news that was happening right down the street. Yes, it was really happening.

All transportation was shut down. No trains were running anywhere. We headed uptown, away from the terror, away from the danger, away from the most devastating thing I had ever witnessed. For the rest of the day, we sat in an uptown pub, watching the horror replay itself over and over and over again on the big television sets behind the bar. We comforted each other; we comforted strangers and were comforted. It crossed my mind more than once that I should have done something. But what could I do? People were trained for such disasters and they were the heroes. Action was being taken by those who were qualified. Surely, I would have been in the way. But still ...

In the years since, I have looked back many many times. I wish I could change so much about that day. I wish I had paid attention to the woman on the train instead of dismissing her as some rambling New York nut. I wish I had found the right words up on that roof. I wish the right words existed. I wish I could have helped somehow. I wish I could have had some premonition and warned the FAA, the military, the president, the 2,819 people who perished in those towers. But these wishes are preposterous thoughts to entertain. Some things are just out of our control and we have to accept that. We have to honor and remember those who died, whether in tragedy or old age. Each life is meaningful. Everyone's story is important.

I wouldn't wish that day's torment on anyone but everyone lived it. And some days, it is impossible not to relive it. The memories are too close, too real. The best we can all do is live, and try to live well.

Click on the "comments" link below to read more of what students around the country have to say about 9/11, or, to share your own thoughts.


# (16)#
Bryon    Posted by
Bryon
on 9/11/2006
11:12 AM
9/11/2006 11:43:18 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
It was September 11th. I was in Mrs. Kelso's 2nd grade class. We were in the middle of Math class when our principal Mr. Epplen came on the announcements. He said something about two planes colliding into a building. Mrs. Kelso quickly on the TV. We watched the news and I understood what had happened a little more. I almost cried because I knew that some little boy didn't have a dad anymore. I know that what had once been an average date of the year now when said would give people the chills and make them cry.

It was time for recess. I went to the top of the hill and talked and cried about it with my best friend, Josie. I was a little afraid that the people who did this would fly a plane into our school.

When my Mom picked me and my brother up from school, I told her about my scary thought and she said it would never happen. I still wasn't convinced. That night in bed I saw visions of the crash over and over until I fell asleep. The dreams I had that night still haunt me today.
Ellen C. Godbey, Grade 7
9/11/2006 11:48:31 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
On September 11, 2001, I was at school. We were dismissed early and no one knew why. When I went home I went up to my grandma's for some reason or another. While there I played a few games and felt a sudden rumble but said nothing. When I went to school the next day, everyone was talking about it. I still had no idea what was happening so I listened to stories
and eventually figured it out. Once I
did, I talked and found out details like how the people on Flight 93 fought
the terrorists and that it crashed near Shanksville, PA. My Dad lives in
Shanksville so this was big news. When I got home I read in the newspaper
about books falling in the library. That weekend I went to my Dad's and he told
me about the shock wave that passed through Shanksville. The next day I read in
the paper about who had terrorized us and that we might declare war on
them (which is eventually what happened. For the next few days the talk went
on. When Bush declared war I realized it was going to be a very long year.
Gavin Stockwell
9/11/2006 4:41:26 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
Misperceptions on my part ran rampant the morning of 9-11. I am a teacher in the midwestern town of Lemont, Illinois. First period started at 8:00 a.m. and I planned to take my Creative Writing class to the farmer's market downtown to purchase fresh fruits and veggies. All 24 of us were a bit giddy about holding class outside on this warm Autumn day...getting out of school was a definite plus! We marched downtown and literally plundered the wares of the marketplace. Students were laughing, tasting, writing, and trying to outdo eachother in composing the PERFECT description of their experience. After 30 minutes of munching and writing we headed back to school. On our way back a disheveled man in a pickup truck filled with odd objects stopped and started yelling at me to "get those kids back in school...we're under attack!" Being the mother hen of this band of chicks I advised them to keep on walking and look straight ahead..hoping the "crazy man" would just disappear. The man kept pace with us in his truck until we entered the school. Laughing we all commented on how "odd" this man was. Little did we know that as we were enjoying our field trip the world really had changed for us all. Our laughter turned into shocked silence as we were informed about the planes crashing into the twin towers, and then watched on our class television the other horrific events that followed.

I often think of the "odd" man who followed us back to school that day...making sure we arrived safely. That was my first experience with misperceptions that day....I perceived his intentions at first as "off the wall" yet he was protecting the children of this community....

Many misperceptions reared up that day - mine was just one of many. How quickly a warm autumn day chilled into frozen fear that has thawed little since 9-11.
9/12/2006 9:14:16 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
I like your writing.
9/12/2006 9:22:07 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
9/11
When I was in second grade it happened. I was at my desk doing classwork with my friends. My teacher got called to the office and told us to stay quiet. when she got back she was crying. All of us wanted to know what was wrong. She told us a tragedy has happened and tried to explain it to us. Since we were only six or seven, very few of us understood. Now five years later I understand. I am now a little worried to get on a plane, but the new laws make me feel safer. All I wish for now is for that to never happen again.
9/12/2006 9:46:04 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
heyy i remember sept. 11 it waz so sad i was like 7 in the 2ed grade i didnt remeber it a lot but now that im 13 i feel very sad and touched by this. I feel sad for the families that were seperated. i feel for the people that lost alot.
feling sad...
by, tessa and lina
9/12/2006 9:52:15 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
I don't really remember September 11th all that well. I do remember my teacher being pulled aside by another teacher. I had heard what happened, but I really didn't understand. I honestly did not know who had attacked us. I didn't even know who terrorists were. I was only in the fourth grade. I think my parents were trying to protect me.

I do remember that we called my aunt a lot. She was going to have a meeting at the World Trade Center because of her job. It was going to be the exact same time as the attack. Everyone was scared. But it turned out that the meeting had been cancelled. She was safe.

It just makes you wonder how many people escaped death that day...and how many people were trapped. I don't think anyone really knows why this happens, why innocent people are brutally murdered. It is a crime, and I think God cries because of it.

Don't you?
9/12/2006 9:53:47 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
On the day of september 11 I was in fourth grade. The teachers did not tell us that anything was wrong but I could see the fear in their eyes. They were all very shaky and jumpy and some were even crying. I was as calm as ever until I got off the bus and my mom was there ready to pick me up. When I got in the car she told me what happened. I was still young and really did not know what to think of the events. When I got home I put on the news and watched what was happening. The world would never be the same.
9/12/2006 9:59:18 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
I was in forth grade 5 years ago, and right away, I honestly had no idea what was going on. Since I was so young, nobody would tell me what was really going on. All I remember was getting a letter to take home to our parents and not to read it, but naturally we all read it. Of course, we didn't know what any of it meant, but on the bus ride home, an older kid had yelled out, "We're going to war!" I was scared then, because, obviously, I knew what war was and how serious it can be. Now that I know how big of a deal it was and how serious it all is, I can relate to how some people felt that day.
9/12/2006 9:59:55 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
The day of the national trategy I was in 8th grade, still attending Old Quarry Middle School. That morning seems hazy to me but I can partly remember some of the feelings going through my head that day.

My mom was driving me to school that morning since I was running late. We turned on Morning Mancow, as usual. All I remember being said that morning were things along the lines of "you can find the video of the falling towers on our website" or "information is still coming in about the twin towers trategy".

Me and my mom looked at each other in complete confusion. We had no idea what this man was talking about. Believe it or not, we didn't think anything of it at first so my mom dropped me off school.When I finally made it to school, I remember talking to my friends and learning about the gruesome facts of what exactly had happened.

9/11 will forever stay in my mind as a day of national confusion and fear. Although, at first it was hard coping with the aftermath of it all, the twin towers trategy made our nation stronger then ever.
9/12/2006 10:00:25 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
On September 11, I was in fourth grade. It was the day after my mom's birthday and it seemed like a normal day. At around 10:00 one my teachers got a phone call. She decided that we weren't mature enough to see what happened. I remember that see told us that a plane crashed into a building in New York and it fell down. When i came home, my mom asked me how the teachers responded to the tragedy. I told her that there was something about a plane crash. She showed me a news report on the event and I saw what really happened. I was shocked and just didn't understand why someone would do this. As I went to bed I remember that I couldn't fall asleep until late that night because I was afraid that a plane would crash into my house. I really didn't understand that the planes were hijacked and i thought that they were really bad pilots and they crashed on accident.
9/12/2006 10:02:43 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
I was in 4th grade and the day was just a confusing day for me. I was on my way to school while the planes crashed so i did not know that the altercations have happened at the time. I walked into my class and I remember saying happy birthday to one of my friends. After telling him that i saw my teacher walk into the room crying. When I saw her I started laughing and she gave me a dirty look. I asked why she was crying and she told me the in New York the Twin Towers were attacked and had collasped.
At first I didn't believe her but she turned on the T.V. and went to the news and showed me what had happen. I was in shock! I couldn't believe what had happen, I almost bursted out with anger. I asked who had did this but my teacher did not have an answer for me.....yet. Almost all day I spent my free time on the computer trying to find who had done this. But not one website could give me this information. I spent my day puzzled......because I didn't know and i really wanted to know. Through the whole day in my classes were dead silence because everyone even teachers had a loss for words. The lessons that they were supposed to teach us were taught but in a poorly manner because they couldn't get the terrible replay of the buildings collasping out of their head. During school we are able to celebrate birthdays, and that day we were unable to celebrate my friends, which put him down but he knew why we couldn't. I felt bad because now every year on that day his birthday would be a sad day with full of terrible memories. When I got home I turned on the news and saw who crashed the planes into the buildings but they didn't have any names yet. But I remember that I was not happy about it and I will never be.
9/12/2006 10:03:52 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
9-11 was a tragic moment in evreyones life. It moved any hearts and brought tears to many eyes. How I spend 9-11 was sort of like any people did. i was in my english class and everything was going fine, we did are vocaulary and went through a book that we have just read the previous week. the lunch bell rang, and everyone went to lunch. After we came back in the classroom, Mrs. Havelka, my english teacher, started crying. Her red eyes were all puffy, and everyone was worried about why she cried. After a while, someone finally asked her. All you could hear was her mumbling. A few minutes later, she told us about the Twin Towers being attacked, and how her husband was there for the week. Everyone was in shock. Then I remembered that my uncle lives in New York, I worried me so much that my uncle could be in harm.
All the sudents from Hale Elementary were dismissed from school. Right when I home, my mom ran up to me wiht a phone by her ear. She whispered to me that my uncle was fine. But it worried me that many people could be worried about their family. One of my friends' father lived there after the divorce her parents had. Her father was in a horrible position. I went to her house,a nd she cried for endless hours. There was no way of cheering her up.
From this day, I've learned that many people were affected by the day, and that no matter what happened we couldnt have done anything to stop this.
9/12/2006 10:03:57 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
The day of 9/11 was just another regular day at school. We were just starting one of are assignments when another teacher came in and started whispering to our teacher. All the students were relieved because this gave us time to talk and to get up and move around. Both teachers left the room, at the time we were not concerned we were just happy that we didn’t have to work. Minutes later the teacher came back and looked much shaken, but all she told us to do was begin are assignment. We started asking her why she left the room, and if anything was wrong. She said everything was fine and to get back to work.
When I came home I went to go greet my mother and saw her watching the news. I looked up in horror to see the second plane hit the twin towers. I bombarded my mother with questions on what happen and why. I felt deceived and lied to remembering how the teachers wouldn’t tell us what had happened. There I sat for most of the day watching the news with my mother wondering who this horrible person was who did this.
9/12/2006 10:04:14 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
On September 11, 2001, I was in 4th grade and 9 years old. Honestly, I didin't really realize what was going on at the time. I didn't go home and feel angery or affected by it, I was kind of shocked though. Now I am a freshman in high school and I realize what had happened that day, and how it has affected the world around me.

What I do remeber from 5 years ago was I was in class, probaby doing some school work. I then got worried because my mom had worked in Chicago and came to school to pick me up. I was worried because my mom would usually never leave work to come home unless it was an emergency. Once we left school and got home I had asked her why she had picked me and my brother up from school, and why she had left work early. My mom then explained to me what had happened, and she had left work early because they were afraid something might happen to the Sears Tower.

I am very aware now of what had happened on September 11th, and how it has affected people and myself. And it feels like it had just happened last year. I hope nothing this tradgic ever happenes again.
9/12/2006 10:18:32 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)
I really don't remember much about 9/11. I know I was nine at the time, and that I was probably in fourth grade, but apart from that, It's all really a blur.

I do remember that after school, I came home and saw my mom watching TV. I think I might have asked her what she was watching, but I really don't know. I saw the explosions on TV, and since I couldn't understand the TV (I am hard of hearing), I asked my mom what I was seeing. I really don't know if I understood what she answered or not.

I was really scared, and I asked my mom if a plane was going to crash into our house. I also remember for a long while after that day, that every time I looked out our living room window, a dark shape would be heading straight for us. I thought someone would crash into our house.

I am now in ninth grade, and I can't believe how stupid I was that day. I saw the same broadcast that they had five years ago launched on TV last night and I was horrified. I only watched a bit, but it was really horrible. I can't believe a nine-year-old couldn't understand what was going on then, but I guess kids have more trouble with that stuff than older people. A baby or two-year-old certainly couldn't comprehend it.
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