Legend had it that every year, a figure, cloaked in black with a wide-brimmed hat, sneaked into the graveyard and placed three roses and a bottle of cognac on Edgar Allan Poe's grave. And every year, crowds have gathered at the grave, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mystery man or woman who was honoring the master of the macabre.

But the truth has been revealed. What is that, you ask? It's--the beating of his hideous heart! Ha. No, no. the truth is that it was all a hoax. Turns out, Sam Porpora, a former ad executive, wanted to drum up some publicity for the cemetery. (Wait, you mean tourists aren't usually clamoring to spend their vacations in a dreary cemetery? Shocker!) So old Sam and his tour guides came up with the Poe toaster.

What a disappointment!

It was such a romantic notion. So chilling. So Gothic. So totally Poe.

Well, to express my outrage at the Poe toaster being a complete lie, I thought I'd write a stanza ala Poe's "The Raven."

Once there was a story that was not really gory,
About a man who paid tribute to a famous guy.
Turns out he was faking, leaving us really aching.
He claimed someone came in the dead of night.
But it was just to get the cemetery in the spotlight.
This whole thing was just a lie.

 OK. So I'm no Poe. Here's a better re-imagining of "The Raven," courtesy of The Simpsons. Enjoy!