It was a dark and stormy night ...

Clichéd? Yes. Hackneyed? You betcha! Bad writing? Well now, that's the point!

That famous line is the inspiration for an annual contest that salutes bad writing. The contestants must come up with a really bad first line to a non-existent novel. This year's winner combined awkward syntax and bathroom humor, among other things.

This is the winning entry: "Gerald began -- but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash -- to pee," Gleeson wrote.

What a novel idea! (Get it? Oh, and on that same note, contestants can get awards in several categories, one of which is "vile puns." I could totally win that!)

No, seriously, I think this is a really cool contest. There are so many bad writers out there, but to do it purposely, that takes some finesse! And it's definitely harder than it looks.

Here's my attempt:

"Mike looked into Sally's bright blue glowing orbs, her eyes, the windows to her soul (streak-free, no less!), which were as deep and mysterious as the ocean and brought back memories of when he was a lifeguard that summer five years ago and that little girl--why hadn't she listened to him?--had gone out too far and was carried away by a massive riptide; suddenly, Mike no longer wanted to swim in Sally's waters."

Go on, give it a try!