By Dustin Wahl

It was getting dark. The swamp was full of dead plants and smelled like someone forgot to take a shower. An old man with wild hair and a face smeared with dirt waded through the waters. He had a .20 gauge attached to his back, and he was looking for something to shoot.

Through the rotting weeds came the extremely elusive rubber ducky! The old hunter sneered a horrible murderous grin. He cocked his rifle. But then, something strange happened. The ducky started to drift, against the current. The hunter was astonished as it slowly swam away. He quickly gathered his senses and followed.

The hunter, with the mind of a killer, shot at it four or five times. He missed but kept chasing the duck. Finally, he cornered the rubber ducky. "I'll hang your hide on the clothesline!" he shouted "or a coat hanger. Ha!"

"You can't do that," said the ducky. "I'm plastic!" But, either way, he was cornered.

The hunter took aim. Just as he was ready to fire, the ducky spoke up again. "I don't know how I got here. I think I fell out of the window, but I just want to go back home. I hate it here. My little friend loved me and I loved him, but I don't know how to get back to him."

By this time the hunter was crying his eyes out because of the sad story. Truth be told, the little rubber ducky knew exactly where he was. He made up the sob story at the spur of the moment. He was trying to sneak past the crying hunter, when the hunter, between tears, asked the duck, "How is it that you can talk?"

"What?!" exclaimed the ducky. "You've never heard a rubber ducky talk? Well, I guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Mr. Bubbles. I was just going to take another bubble bath, when I fell out of the window. I was carried by a small stream of water to a sewer in the ground. That carried me to a huge river, which carried me here. Any questions?"

By this time the hunter was ready to wake up from a dream. But he noticed something about Mr. Bubbles. He was kind of a different duck. That was when the hunter fainted.

If you've ever seen a rubber ducky swim on its own, well, it's a sight to see. That Mr. Bubbles was moving. He had evaded the old hunter, but there wasn't any time to celebrate. This duck had a mission. You see, Mr. Bubbles wasn’t normal. He got senses about things. Big things. And that day he had the strangest, most bizarre sense of all: the president was apparently going to be crushed by a falling piano. I know it sounds weird, but Mr. Bubbles was never, ever wrong.

* * *

The next day Mr. Bubbles was sitting in the office of the president's secretary, waiting for some loon screaming about taxes to leave. He finally got removed by the security and Mr. Bubbles hopped up on the desk. You might be wondering how Mr. Bubbles got past the secret service. All I know is, rubber duckies have willpower. And they have guts, which could be why two security guards were tied up in a janitor's closet. Anyway, there sat Mr. Bubbles, trying to explain to the stunned secretary how the president was going to be hit by a falling piano in a matter of minutes. When the secretary finally gathered her wits, she called security. As soon as she said the word "security," Mr. Bubbles was gone.

Outside, the president was trying to find a way to get away from all of the yelling reporters. In the process, he almost stepped on Mr. Bubbles. "Excuse me," shouted Mr. Bubbles over all the noise. "but, um, could I have an autograph?" The shocked president didn't say a word. Mr. Bubbles looked up. Sure enough, he could see a piano falling out of a three-story window. "Um, come here quick!" said the nervous ducky.

"What?!" the president shouted, unaware of anything that was going on around him.

"THERE'S A PIANO ABOUT TO FALL ON YOU!!" That finally got him to look up.

"AAGGGHHH!!!" Everyone seemed to see it at the same time. And everyone but the owner of the piano was happy because no one was injured, all thanks to Mr. Bubbles.