-By Becca Giles

Oslo, Norway. Miranda Muffet, who has been missing for three days, was found early this morning. She was floating on a homemade raft in the Arctic Ocean after drifting 400 miles from her home in Norway. After an unconscious Muffet finally came to, she was severely disoriented. However, the captain of the retrieving boat was able to acquire some information. Apparently, Ms. Muffet had been frightened by a strange spider and went temporarily psychotic. Immediately she fled the scene and, in the process, spilled her curds and whey. Psychologists say her reaction was caused by her extreme arachnophobia. It seems that Ms. Muffet felt the sea was her only escape from the arachnid. She is currently in a mental hospital. No word yet on her release.  

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