Yah!

So I finished reading The Order of The Phoenix this past weekend and I'm now into The Half-Blood Prince. And holy cow! Chapter Two - Snape! He's... well, I don't know what. It's weird. Is he really who he says he is now? Ack! Don't tell me! Keep it to yourself! I'll know soon enough, I imagine.

I am so happy I finally got into this craze. It's never too late, right? With 11 days to go before the final installment is released, I'm truly amped about Harry! Boo yah!

More to come, Muggles...

Hey, kids! We're going to learn some grammar. Yay!

Calm down, calm down. Don't get too excited there. Yes, I know, learning grammar is awesome. What? Do I detect sarcasm there?

OK, fine. So maybe grammar isn't the scholarly equivalent to a trip to Disney World. But if you want to be a good writer, you have to know certain rules. And who doesn't love following rules …

Anyway, just let me quickly tell you easy ways to remember some tricky grammar rules. Then you can get back to your regularly scheduled lives of pool parties, barbeques, and the like. (By the way, I don’t recall receiving an invitation to any of those parties. Must have gotten lost in the mail.)

Lie or Lay?

People lie. Well, duh. Every teenager who sneaks out of the house knows that. But it's also the case in lie vs. lay, and a great way to remember this rule. Someone lies down, but you lay your clothes out on the bed. And, by the way, I know you were out past curfew. Don't you lie to me!

If I were vs. If I was

Follow the Fiddler on the Roof  rule here. It's like that song, "If I Were a Rich Man." OK, OK, do you need a modern reference? Well, Gwen Stafani and Eve redid the song a few years ago as "Rich Girl."  (Actually, their version is a cover of Louchie Lou and Michie One's song. They did the first reggae version of "Rich Girl." But I digress.) Anyway, my point is, remember the song. So you would say "If I were."

Where you at?

Just don't. It's wrong, and it sounds dumb. Say "Where are you?" OK? Thanks.

Do you have a great idea for a magazine article? While getting the idea from your head to your computer might seem difficult -- "How do I get that interview? What’s a great pun I can use for the introduction? Just how am I going to end it?" -- writing is the easy part. It's getting published that's the difficult part. How do I know? Well, before I landed this awesome job at Weekly Reader, I too tried my hand at freelance writing, with varying degrees of success. Luckily, all you aspiring writers out there in computer land can benefit from my tips--written from experience. I learned the hard way so you don't have to.  :)

For starters, pick a magazine you want to send your idea to, and make sure they accept submissions. Try to look on its Web site to see if there are any guidelines. If you request the guidelines, send a self-addressed stamped envelope. Editors aren't going to shell out their own dough to send you a response. And know your audience! If you want to write an article on the newest monster truck in a magazine about cooking, chances are, it's not going to happen.

Next, send a query letter or e-mail. What's a query letter? I'm glad you asked. This is a letter stating what your article is going to be about, why the readers would be interested in it, the proposed word count, info like that. Most editors will not read unsolicited manuscripts. If they like your idea, they will contact you and work out the details.

And on that note, when you are sending your query, send it to someone. Preferably a real person whose name you saw on the masthead. (Yes, this requires some research. But researching by reading magazines is definitely more fun than researching for a big history paper. At least, it is in my opinion.) Editors hate it when they receive letters addressed "To whom it may concern." Even worse if you address it "To Sir," and the editor is female. Trust me on that one.

Be prepared to send out lots of queries without any response. Editors are busy people--writing their articles and blogs and all--and if they don't like the idea they might not write back. Rejection comes with the territory, but it builds character. (Or characters for your next story. Get it?) If an editor does say yes, don't pitch the idea to a different magazine as well. It'll get the editor mad if you recant, plus it's just not cool. You never know who knows whom, and sometimes scorned editors talk. You don't want to be blacklisted from all magazines!

Anyway, dear writer, those are some of my tips. Now go forth and, well, write! And good luck to you.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the final Harry Potter book comes out in only 18 days. You know this. The whole world knows this. What I want to know is: where is all the fanfare? Surely this is the biggest thing to happen to young adult literature since... well since the last Harry Potter book came out. Shouldn't we be seeing little witches in the streets by now? Shouldn't there be reports of stores unable to keep brooms in stock? And for crying out loud, where are all the lightning scars?!?

Ouch. The whole lack of Potter madness is giving me a headache. There are only 18 days left, people! Where are you?!?

I suppose I should count my blessings that it hasn't gotten crazy yet. I'm still only halfway through Book 5. I'm a man on a mission. Between what I have left of The Order of the Phoenix and The Half Blood Prince, I'd guesstimate that I have about... oh... 800 pages or so to go. That comes out to just under 50 pages a day. No sweat, right? Right. No sweat, mon!

Anyway, Order of the Phoenix is getting realllllly good. Things are heating up between Harry and Cho. Harry is secretly teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts to a bunch of students and they call themselves Dumbledore's Army! The forces of good and evil are preparing themselves for battle against each other. And the calm before the storm is full of such raw intensity that I almost don't want to turn the next page for fear that the very book might explode in my face! Omigosh. It's so good.

I understand I'm probably the only person on the planet that hasn't read all 6 books yet. But come July 21, if all goes well between now and then, I should be all set to crack open The Deathly Hallows with the rest of you when it arrives in my mailbox.

So 18 days... let's see some magic.

When you picture the FBI, what do you think of? Guys in bad suits and Ray-Bans, flashing their I.Ds and their loaded pistols in their holsters, screaming "FBI, get down!" to the bad guys. Drama, suspense, intrigue. Do-gooders who put all the pieces together in the puzzle and bring order back. Yes, certainly this is the case. And no more so than their recent brilliant sleuthing efforts--recovering the lost manuscript of Pearl S. Buck's The Good Earth. 

Apparently, one of Buck's ex-secretaries stole the manuscript, and the thief's daughter tried to sell it at an auction house. Not too smooth, thief's daughter! Did you really think you could get away with putting something up for auction that is both famous and stolen? What, there were no original copies of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet that you could steal from his heirs and sell on eBay?

Well luckily the manuscript, which has Buck's handwritten notes, is back in the hands of its proper owner.

What a relief! (And no, that wasn't sarcasm--it's an awesome book.) The story about a poor Chinese farmer who must sell everything--except his land--to survive has been a classic since is was published in 1932. It was even selected as a choice for Oprah's Book Club in 2004. Now that's staying power!

Come on, you know you read the book in school. And you know you liked it, which isn't always the case of required reading books. (Sorry, Mrs. Gazzola, but I didn't like everything you made me read in tenth grade.) And if you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for? (Just, please, don't steal it! Unless you want the FBI coming after you.)