Thanks to Justus Owen, a middle school student in Ohio, we now know what really happened to Charlotte in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies! (The squeamish may want to turn away now.)
Narrator 1- When Mr. Collins returns home that night it is 10:37 pm.
Narrator 2- When he enters the house he immediately notices the putrid smell of rotting meat.
Mr. Collins- Charlotte! Where are you darling? Is everything OK?
Narrator 3- There is no response. He throws his coat and suitcase on the couch and hurries to the kitchen.
Mr. Collins- Honey! Where are you? Answer me!
Narrator 1- He moves towards the staircase, the smell of rotting meat getting stronger with every step.
Narrator 2- He hasn’t paid attention to this before but there are scratches and nicks on the walls.
Narrator 3- There is broken glass on the floors and the dining room table is overturned.
Narrator 1- There seems to have been a struggle.
Narrator 2- He moves slowly towards their bedroom door.
Narrator 3- He decided to kick in the door for dramatic effect.
Narrator 1- It is a very good decision because Charlotte had just happened to be walking over to lock the door.
Narrator 2- The door is thrust into her head and it knocks her out.
Narrator 3- He notices the smell is coming from the closet.
Narrator 1- He opens the door and what has to be at least 18 corpses fall out.
Mr. Collins- Really?! Awww come on! We just got married! Are you kidding me?
Narrator 2- He ties Charlotte up.
Narrator 3- When she awakens the first thing she asks…
Charlotte- So you know? Let me bite you! We can live happily together as zombies.
Mr. Collins- What? Why would I ever do that? I’m still normal. I don’t care enough about you to become a zombie. I need you to be exterminated but since I can’t do it myself, I’m going to go get an angry mob. You have apparently killed like, half of the town. It shouldn’t be too hard to find some people who are angry at you.
Narrator 1- Mr. Collins gathers an unnecessarily big mob for one zombie that was tied up.
Narrator 2- They go to Mr. Collins’ manor and gather in the bedroom.
Narrator 3- They take turns stabbing Charlotte in the face with pitchforks and when she is perceived dead, the mob (to Mr. Collins’ great objections) proceeds to burn down the manor.
Mr. Collins- Waaaaaaaaaah! This was not part of the deal!